Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
