can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
