Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
