So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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