u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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