Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
