why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
