i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
