I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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