my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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