After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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