Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
