if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
