I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
