Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Still dying that you shit outside
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
