seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize