Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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