something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
