I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
