Little spoons don't ask big questions
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
whose parrot is this?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
