Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
