Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
