I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
