the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How does one acquire holy water?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
