i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
