i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize