I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
