Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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