I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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