my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
