I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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