I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
