I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Randomize
