Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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