I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sorry about my life...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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