her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize