Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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