Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
