Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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