the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
