he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
