Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
