Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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