I just pynch a tree in the face
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
