Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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