physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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