I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
