Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
