New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't deserve a penis
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
