I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
