i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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