today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
