k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
