if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
