Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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