Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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