3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm passing your future prison.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
