my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
